What do you say?

The phone rang very late last night, nearly midnight. The kids were finally settled down and my husband and I were ready to go to bed. I answered, reluctantly, since this is generally how we receive bad news.

"Hello," I paused waiting breathlessly for a response.

"Hi, this is Sammy's grandpa. Is he at your house?" I heard the hesitation in his voice and immediately wanted to reassure him.

"Yes. We went to bring him home about three hours ago, but no one was at the house, so we thought we would let him stay here until we could figure out what was going on. Do you know what is going on?"

"Well, we were wondering what Sam had done with the kids. We couldn't find them. So Sammy is with you, that's right?"

"Yes, he is right here, do you want to speak with him?"

"Please". I passed the phone to 10 year old Sam and I could see the fear and confusion all over his face. He spoke briefly with his grandfather, then handed the phone to me.

"I am on my way to pick him up. Sorry to impose."

"No imposition. Please, he can stay with our son if that is okay."

"I will pick him up shortly."

I knew from the sound of his voice that this was not a good situation, but I didn't want to pry. While I was waiting I wanted to speak to Sam's mother, my friend Gayle.

"Sammy, try your mom's cell phone again, would you?"

When I finallhy got Gayle on the phone I said, "Something is wrong, Gayle, your dad just called here to pick up Sammy. Sam is not home, we don't know where he is at. Do you think he went to Gunther's?"

"I don't know," she said and I could almost hear her voice tremble. "I will call Gunther's and find out."

Sam's grandfather came to pick him up and explained that Sammy's dad had an asthma attack and went to the hospital. "Whew!" I thought, "Good thing he was able to make it to the hospital," I thought.

The next morning I got up early to go to my kickboxing class. I love this clas. I feel more alive with every kick and punch. The more my body aches, the more determined I become. I worked up a good sweat and was feeling particularly proud of myself.

When I got home my son was behaving kind of odd. "What is it," I asked.

"Gayle called. She spoke to daddy" he toyed with me.

"Okay, what did she want. Did she want to talk to me?" I asked.

"Sam McGregor died last night in a car accident," my husband said to me.

"Are you kidding?" I replied.

"Would I joke about this?"

This tragedy is punctuated by the fact that one of my son's other friend's also lost his dad just a few months ago.

There is no good way to handle this kind of information. There is no smart or clever thing to say. In fact, generally speaking, we don't know what to say, or what to do. As human beings we are fortunate enough to have empathy. I could imagine Gayle's pain. I ached for her children and wept for all of them. This was no easy thing and there was not going to be any quick fix for any of them.

What could I do? I searched my brain to find an answer. Was there anything I could do or say that would somehow ease this pain. Surely not. So I just had to be there for my friend. Let her grab hold of me and cry and ramble as she tried to sort this out in her own mind. When I have to I can really plant my feet firmly on the ground. So I knew this would be my gift to her. I would plant myself and she could count on my to be right there, right where she expects me to be. I will listen, cry and laugh along side her while we figure this out.

My mind races to the future. Would we still go to her summer house in Massachusetts? Would the boys still want to play soccer and basketball together? Would she have to turn down that promotion now because travelling was out of the question?

The one thing I can think of for certain is... none of this has to be decided now. Life unfolds mysteriously slowly when it has to - almost like it is in slow motion.

What can we do for the people we love when we see their pain, and cannot wipe not one drop of it away? I pray.

I am grateful for my friendships, grateful for the love our children share, I am grateful that I was there for her yesterday and that I can be there for her tomorrow. Grateful that God has filled me with so much of his love that I can share this portion with my friends and still have more for the next day. Grateful that sleep allows us to forget for a little while and that every sunrise takes us toward a new beginning.

God bless you Sam where ever you are. Please find the peace that you need to cross over and know that we are all grateful for the time we share with you and that we will keep you alive with your children and your family that loves you so very much.

God blessed with you and we bless you with Him.